How ClarusBlue supported Ryan to increase his confidence and impact ahead of his wedding speech
Why do so many of us feel unconfident and lose impact when speaking in public?
Over 90% of us wish we could have more impact with our communication. Despite this, only 8% of people seek professional help to improve their communication skills
Have you ever felt nervous before giving a presentation at work? Or maybe the thought of standing up and giving a speech at a wedding or even just a simple toast at a party fills you with anxiety? Have you ever watched a video or heard a recording of you presenting and realised how many ‘ums’ and ‘uhhs’ or filler phrases you use?
Communication is a critical skill that helps us communicate what is important to us, in every aspect of our life. Over 75% of us feel nervous about speaking in public and over 90% of people wish they could have more impact with their communication. Despite this, only 8% of people on average seek professional support to improve thier communication skills.
The good news is that whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, or whether you hate public speaking or enjoy it and just want to get better, there are several very tangible elements of communication that you can focus on to improve the way you come across, even if you’re not feeling that confident! From our experience working with clients, with some focused action and a bit of practice, it is possible to see almost immediate improvements.
Ryan’s story
“From weddings I’d been to in the past, I remember the venue, food, music and the speeches - for better or worse. I wanted make sure that I conveyed everything that I wanted to in a way that reflected how I felt, and ensure that my speech would fall into the ‘better’ category in all our memories.”
“My fiancée and I had our weddings planned perfectly down to the smallest detail. Our main wedding would be in Johannesburg for over 200 guests, but for those who couldn’t travel we would have a smaller wedding in the UK before the ‘big’ one.
I wanted to make sure that the day was as perfect as it could be, a big part of that was making sure that my Groom’s speech was as awesome as it could be. I’d presented at work before and it’d gone ok (in other words, I’d not sent people to sleep) but this was different – we had family and friends coming from all over the globe so of every speech I’d ever made, I wanted this one to be the best. From all the weddings I’d been to, I remember the venue, food, music and the speeches - for ‘better or worse’, so I wanted to make sure that I conveyed everything I wanted too, and that my speech would fall into the ‘better’ category in our memories.
I had written my speech for my first wedding in London, but had ClarusBlue referred to me a few days before my wedding. In hindsight I wish I’d been able to work with them sooner, but despite this Rob was hugely helpful in putting some of my nerves at ease, mainly by telling me that it will be the best audience I will ever have as everyone would want me to succeed. He also helped me with a few hints and tips for the day.
The speech went down well, I read from my script and people said how enjoyable it was. However, I felt like I wanted to do even better for the wedding in South Africa and ideally not be stood there with a piece of paper in front of me. So I decided to carry on working with Rob to help me prepare and really give the best speech I could!”
What we did to support Ryan
A critical component of public speaking is understanding your natural character and presenting in a style that is authentic to you. Are you more of a naturally light hearted and funny character? Maybe your more of a ‘speak from the heart’ type person. Are you a visionary or are you a person that loves the detail? Whatever your character is, identify it and make that your baseline.
Ryan did indeed have some good content – but the challenge was getting him to convey that in an engaging way that kept the audience on the edges of their seats. A key aspect we help our clients to try and focus on when speaking publically, especially for things like wedding speeches, is to be authentic to who you are. For example, are you more of a naturally light hearted and funny person or are you more of a ‘speak from the heart’ type character? Are you a visionary type, or are you someone that like getting into the detail? The starting point for Ryan here was to identify how to engage the audience in a way that was true to his character, then focus on some tools and techniques to help his delivery.
Identify your style: Ryan was naturally quite a reserved character, but it was clear from the start how deeply grateful he was for everyone making the effort to attend the wedding, and how much that support meant to him. The messages he wanted to land with impact were ones reflecting his gratitude and as he talked us through it, he did so by means of a number of short stories about important contributions that guests at the wedding had made to him and his fianceé. It was clear a more heartfelt approach definitely suited Ryan well.
Ditch the script: Ryan’s speech for his smaller UK wedding had indeed focused on similar messages of gratitude, but comparing to the slightly forced and distracted manner in which he delivered his scripted speech, his story telling in his own words just talking us through was significantly more compelling, better pace, more eye contact, better pitch and volume - he even threw in a few jokes which were authentically funny! Therefore, the next step was to get rid of the script. We started off by moving to bullet pointed cards, this helped a lot but Ryan was still getting distracted reading the notes. To combat this, we got Ryan to make one sheet of A4, of pictures with a maximum four word title below them, enabling Ryan to quickly glance down for the next story, freeing his mind and focus for his delivery.
Practice makes perfect: The trick is looking like you haven’t prepared at all, but still appear to present effortlessly. Much attention was also paid to visualising the day of his wedding, the dinner and the moment in which he would speak. This technique can have a huge effect on nerves as you play the scenario over and over again. After rather a lot of speaking to himself in the mirror, and of course going through the content with Rob, Ryan was ready to unleash his masterpiece on his audience.
What was the impact for Ryan?
“As I stood to speak, microphone in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other, I moved from picture to picture telling each story in turn, looking at the audience and even managing a few laughs along the way. Seeing the way people were engaged just helped me relax into it even more.”
“If I’m honest, I was dreading the first speech at my UK wedding – and it was certainly traumatic. However, by the time the wedding in South Africa came around, thanks to Rob’s help, it was suprisingly one of the things about the day I was most looking forward to!
On the day, I felt much more relaxed. I was armed with my pictures, for example a picture of a bike to remind me of how I met my wife – by offering her a lift on my bike, which ended in disaster as I crashed into a bush! I’d actually printed my pictures on a single page which I put on my placemat.
As I stood to speak, microphone in one hand and glass of champagne in the other, I moved from picture to picture on my sheet of paper, telling each story in turn, feeling relaxed, looking at the audience and even managing a few laughs along the way. The further I got into the speech and seeing the way people were engaged just helped me relax into it even more.
All I can say was that it went down a storm! I got a standing ovation and several people commented that it was one of the best wedding speeches they had ever heard, that it was like I’d just stood up and just completely spoken from the heart, which in many ways I did.
ClarusBlue really helped me overcome my nerves, taught me some really interesting techniques to help me make my speech come alive, allowing me to tell it in a way that was really ‘me’, I guess the word is authentic. Thanks to ClarusBlue for making my special day even better.”
Do you want to build your confidence and impact when speaking in public?
Whether you’re preparing for a presentation at work, a speech at a wedding, or just want to be able to communicate with more impact and confidence, find out how we might be able to help by booking a free 20 minute intro call with us at the link below.